Gravity Falls Rule 63: A Bedtime Story
by HiroLemonFan
Summary: Dana tells her son how she and Patterson met. Based on my favorite alternate ending from Curse of the Time Pirates' Treasure.


"How did you and dad meet?"

Dana was taken back by this suddenly question. "Come again?" she asked.

Eight-year-old Roderick Southeast (who had slightly-curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes) sat up in his bed. "How did you and dad meet?" he asked again.

"Oh..." Dana said. She hesitated. She didn't want her son to know that when she met Patterson, she punched him in the face for making fun of Marcus' lack of masculinity. What was she going to do?

"Why do you want to know?" Dana asked.

"I'm curious, mom," Roderick said. "If you really were originally an ordinary girl, why did dad marry you?"

Without any other option, Dana decided to do the only thing she could do: lie. So she sat at the edge of Patterson's bed and began her fabricated tale.

"It all started back in the year 2012," Dana began. "At that time, your uncle Marcus and I were visiting Gravity Falls for the summer. Since we were staying over at my great-aunt's place, the living conditions weren't great. But little did I know that it would be the summer that changed my life forever.

"You see, on one particular day, we were exploring the nearby forest when we ran into Brandy Blandin, a time traveler from the far-distant future. Apparently she had come to the 21st century to look for the legendary Time Pirates' Treasure. But she needed help to obtain it, and your uncle Marcus was willing to help. And if he wanted to help, I figured I might as well tag along to make sure he didn't get hurt.

"According to Brandy, a Time Pirate hid the treasure beneath a hyper-X on a time island in a time ocean that could only be entered by a specific time portal."

Roderick let out a laugh. "That's a lot of time-stuff," he said.

"That's exactly what your uncle Marcus said," Dana said. "Now as I was saying, the only way to enter that portal is to find an elusive Time Key. Brandy was able to locate three different Time Keys: one in medieval England, one in the Old West, and one in the far-distant future. I had a feeling we were going to take part in an outstanding quest regardless of where and when we went, but you know where we ended up?"

"Where?" Roderick eagerly asked.

"Medieval England," Dana continued. "Once we arrived there, we were instantly captured by knights and brought before the king. I told him that we were on a quest to retrieve a Time Key, and to our surprise, he agreed to give us the Time Key if we completed one of three tasks: battle a honorless fem-knight that was courted to the kingdom's prince, slay a vicious dragon and retrieve a stolen goblet, or retrieve a missing wizard."

"What did you decide to do?" Roderick asked.

"What else?" Dana asked in response. "I decided to battle the fem-knight. When I confronted her, she challenged me to either a game of chess or a jousting match. Now while I am pretty good at chess, I figured it would be unfair to the fem-knight if she was a total ditz, so I decided to play fair and choose jousting. Thankfully thanks to my small size, I easily defeated the fem-knight."

"Hang on," Roderick realized. "That fem-knight was courted to the kingdom's prince. Does that mean..."

"Precisely," Dana answered. "Because I defeated the fem-knight, I was told to marry the prince in her place. I initially didn't want to get married at such a young age, but I had no other choice. I had to marry the prince, or I would be severely punished. I ended up agreeing to marry the prince. At first the plan was simple: trick the king into giving us the Time Key and me, your uncle Marcus, and Brandy would flee before they completed the ceremony. But then, the king introduced me to the prince. And you won't believe who this prince was."

"Who?" Roderick asked, sounding much eager than before.

"Your father," Dana answered.

Roderick gasped. "Dad was a medieval prince?!" he asked excitedly.

"Precisely," Dana replied. "He looked so handsome in his lakefoam green clothing. Upon seeing him, I started to experience an unusual vibe I never felt before. And when he told me we would get our very own castle and kingdom, I knew this was destiny. This blonde boy that stood before me was obviously my soulmate, my one true love."

"Awwww!" Roderick gushed. "Love at first sight, just like in fairytales!"

"But your uncle Marcus was shocked at my sudden change of heart," Dana continued. "I told him that this was everything I ever wanted. The prince was absolutely perfect, I would have my very own land, and I would be able to study the fine arts with my dream guy. But I made up my mind. I would go through with the marriage."

"But what about Uncle Marcus?" Roderick asked.

"He reminded me about the treasure," Dana continued. "But I pointed out to him that love is the greatest treasure of all."

"What was the wedding like?" Roderick asked.

"It was a small, private ceremony," Dana answered. "I married your father beneath grapevines in a garden. I experienced my first kiss and it was everything I ever dreamed of. And as I gazed into your father's eyes, I knew I made the right choice. After saying to goodbye to your uncle Marcus and Brandy, your father and I traveled to our new castle in our new kingdom. And ever since that fateful day, we ruled the kingdom with grace and generosity, while occasionally solving medieval mysteries together. Best of all, we have been living happily ever after since then."

"But wait, we're in the 21st century," Roderick pointed out. "How did you and dad make it back to the present?"

Dana simply let out a small giggle before she ruffled her son's hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. "That's another story for tomorrow night," she replied.

 **The End**


End file.
